Plotting
by workslikeclockwork
Summary: Riza and Winry decide that Roy and Ed need to learn to get along. So they plot. Not Riza/Winry, nor Roy/Ed, just good old friendship. I'm the editor, find the author on tumblr under casuallyisannie. Direct all questions to tumblr user workslikeclockworks.
1. Chapter 1

They were arguing.

Again.

Honestly, did they ever stop? All Riza could tell at this point was that they refused to agree. On what, she'll never know.

The temptation to walk out and plot more with Winry was tantalizing; the girl seemed to have a million good ideas about how to remind both Roy and Ed to behave. Yet, if Riza walked out now she wouldn't be here to do damage control - a.k.a. remind Roy that he's right most of the time - when the argument was finally over, and that was mandatory.

So she waited. Bade her time and plotted.

Winry had better be able to make that steel desk.

Walking out began to seem more and more like a better plan. Roy and Ed didn't seem even close to finishing their childish squabbling, which meant Riza would have to stand there that much longer. Maybe the sound of the door closing would snap them out of it. It probably wouldn't but it was almost worth a try.

Almost.

Yet she stood there, doing her best to not say anything or show how idiotic she felt this whole thing was. She had already assessed the condition of Ed's automail (which was bad considering it was in a sling, and Winry was probably going to kill him). Roy was also being pig-headed; he really should have been resting still after being stabbed in the abdomen by that homunculus.

They must have been arguing about some short joke Roy had decided to make, because the argument seemed to go back to Ed's height, or lack thereof, frequently.

This was going to last forever.

Riza looked at Roy, who made another comment about Ed's meager height in relation to the top shelf, and made an executive decision. Plotting with Winry would be a much more efficient use of her time than this nonsensical squabbling.

The door shut with a nice, audible snick that hopefully paused the argument for enough time for both of them to realize how ridiculous they were being. But knowing them, it didn't.

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A/N: Hey to whoever's reading this. I'm not actually the author as the summary says, I'm just the editor. Do review though, we'll both see any and all reviews, PMs, comments, etc. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm going to stuff a wrench in his arm the next time he does this," Riza heard Winry muttering to whatever automail piece she was fiddling with. For a moment it was hard to distinguish what was girl and what was metal.

"How long do you suppose it would take to soak his gloves in alcohol?" Riza asked Winry's back.

"Arguing again?" Winry asked, turning with the wrench still dangling from her fingers.

"Always."

"What's it about this time?"

"Ed's height, I think."

"Of course." She turned back to her metal doodah or whatever she was working on. "So, soaking Roy's gloves. That shouldn't take long."

"And the steel desk?" Riza leaned against the wall.

"That's gonna take time. Maybe I'll be done when Ed is finally taller than me."

"Reassuring."

"Yup. Should I go in there and try to split them up? I actually need Ed's arm anyway, so I may as well try."

"Be my guest." Riza motioned toward the door, letting Winry lead the way back to the colonel's office.

Riza could hear faint shouting through the door. So the sound of the door closing on them had done nothing. Lovely.

She followed Winry into the room to watch what Winry would do to shut them both up.

"Ladies, please," Winry said sarcastically, easily speaking over the squabbling. "I'm sure you're both very pretty." Her words worked incredibly well, esconsing the room in silence almost immediately. Riza couldn't help but appreciate how peaceful the silence was. Even Winry seemed a bit surprised by the sudden silence, and she paused before speaking again. "Wow, that worked well. Anyway, Ed I need your arm, and unless you want me to detach it all and then have to reattach it-"

"Alright I'm coming. That attachment process is the worst part," he said, getting up. Even though the argument had been interrupted, it was clear the tension hadn't diffused. Ed wasn't done being angry about whatever short comment and Roy seemed way too smug.

"Was it really necessary to make all those short jokes, sir?" Riza asked once the door had closed behind Ed and Winry.

"Perfectly necessary," Roy said, leaning back in his chair and twirling a pen between his fingers.

"You're hopeless," Riza said doing her very best to not smile at the idiot in front of her.

"I know."

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A/N: New chapter! We probably won't have another chapter for a couple days, it depends how fast we can write and edit. It's a slightly longer chapter, hope you like it! We appreciate all reviews and hate, so either works. Also, if you notice any grammatical errors, idiomatic, etc. please tell us either through review, PM, or message on Tumblr. Again, all questions may be sent to Tumblr user workslikeclockworks. Don't forget the "s" on the end! Anonymous questions are accepted.

Thank you to Tterit and Mr. Unknown (guest) for reviewing! Thank you to Tterit for favoriting. Thank you to Tterit and Reba-chan for following as well. We appreciate your support!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: New chapter! Have fun!

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"I'm growing, I swear. It's just that he's addicted to short jokes. It's ridiculous.", Ed ranted to Winry as they made their way back toward her temporary workroom, "Who does he even think he is?"

"He is technically your superior," Winry replied, a bit used to this particular rant.

"Look at him!" Ed grumbled. "I'm just a sad, lonely man with intestinal problems!" he cried in what Winry thought to be his whiniest tone of voice in an effort to imitate the Colonel as ridiculously as possible.

"How do you know he's lonely?" Winry asked as she tried to stifle her laughter, "I mean he apparently goes on all sorts of dates."

"If you'd ever been in the room with the Lieutenant out and Hughes talking to him you'd know. It's very painfully obvious."

"If you say so."

"There was this one time when Hughes just burst in and started talking about his daughter and wife to the Colonel. Once he noticed the fact the Lieutenant wasn't in there he started tearing into the Colonel about how he needed to make a move or something. I don't think I've ever seen the Colonel so embarrassed. It was great."

They had gotten to Winry's workroom, where metal pieces shavings were strewn everywhere, and yet, Winry seemed perfectly devoid of any metal shavings or anything else remotely associated with metal. Ed seemed to forget about the various jabs at his height as he recounted in more detail the story and how embarrassed the Colonel had looked.

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A/N: Hey hey, workslikeclockwork here. We managed to get this chapter out today, and yes, I know it's a bit short, but we'll try and update tomorrow. Can't promise it though, sorry. Please review, though if you don't want to, we understand. Thanks for reading! We can't believe we actually got views, so thank you all who took time to read this, we love all of you.

Thank you to PalindromePen for favoriting and following!


	4. Chapter 4

"Why?" Riza asked.

"He was practically asking for it," Roy said matter-of-factly.

"Of course he was, sir." Riza sounded skeptical and the Colonel knew it. "Then again, that is your excuse every time it happens."

"That is always the reason." he said, imitating her tone.

"I'm sure," she said sarcastically, trying and failing to keep herself from rolling her eyes.

"Oh, let me guess," Roy said, recognizing the look in his Lieutenant's eyes, "I've got paperwork to do."

"Of course, sir."

"Actually I could go out and-" She silenced him with a glance as she picked up some stacks of paper from her desk.

"I know you, sir. You're still healing, even if they let you out of the hospital early. Now, actually do some of your paperwork." Riza placed the packets in front of him, a futile, but worthwhile attempt to try and make him do the work he so graciously bestowed upon others.

"Yeah, yeah."

She knew that the moment she left to make sure Winry wasn't having to deal with a murderous, ready-to-go-on-the-warpath Ed, the Colonel would either "delegate" (a.k.a. exert his authority to get someone else to do it) the work or sweep it under the rug.

"I'm going to go make sure Ed isn't extremely angry anymore. Don't let me catch you shoving it onto Fuery again. He has enough work to do as it is," she said before shutting the door behind her.

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A/N: Hey guys! Thanks to everyone who's been reading this, over 150 views! It's amazing, we spent a couple minutes wordlessly screaming at each other. As always, we love reviews, hate, anything you want to throw at us we'll love so GO CRAZY.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Yo! New chapter!

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"You just missed him," Winry said to Riza. "And since I know you're about to ask, no, he's not still angry at the Colonel. He distracted himself by telling me all about how embarrassed the Colonel looked when Hughes would yell at him about not making moves."

"I'm going to assume Hughes used the times I wasn't in the room to do that," Riza said with a slight smile. "That was a while ago. I'll bet that Ed didn't want to ruin your good mood either."

"Since when does he prioritize that once someone makes a slight comment about his height?"

"Never mind."

"Since the Colonel started attempting to make moves on you then."

Riza looked at Winry in surprise. Winry was more observant that Riza had given her credit for. She had stopped tightening the bolt she had been so focused on before and was wearing a slight smile on her face, probably from the idea of Roy trying to make a move on anyone.

"Ed's growing up."

"Not enough to get out of being handcuffed to a desk."

"Of course not. Which reminds me, if I know the Colonel, which I do, he'll be napping right about now."

"I'll get the handcuffs and Al. I'm just gonna assume he has plenty of paperwork to do."

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A/N: Hey guys! I think this is the smallest chapter yet, but we have plenty of ideas! Just no method of putting them into words... We'll get there eventually! Thanks for reading!

Thank you section:

Big thank you to Tterit for those 3 reviews, we truly loved them! AlmostNotReallyKawaii: Thank you for following/favoriting/reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

He was drooling on his paperwork. Riza was pretty sure alchemy was his only other obvious skill.

It worked out perfectly for scheming purposes though.

It took only a little bit to convince Al to cooperate with the two women. He seemed suspiciously eager to help when Ed came into the equation, but that was fine. Motivation was a good thing.

Now she just had to wake him up. Ed would come in later, and the Colonel could be woken up in one of two ways.

To no surprise at all, Winry supported the first option. The one where Riza would wake him up with a nice, smoking, bullet hole in his desk.

Riza would have rather just woken him normally, with Black Hayate or something simple. And probably not so violent. But, he would notice the hand-cuff right away if Black Hayate woke him up. She'd seen him wake up to it that morning, and just about every time Hayate's tongue or cold nose made him flail as he would attempt to shoo the dog away.

Perfect.

She strategically placed a treat next to his drooling face and then got Hayate from outside.

Riza could hear him yell through the door as he woke up and was hard pressed to refrain from laughing audibly.

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A/N: Hey people! Sorry for being so late, we got caught up in school stuff. Mostly mechanical things that want to eat our brains (Robotics anyone?). Anyway, here's a new chapter, hope you guys likey!

Thank you to Finn the Dragon and notjavert for following! Thanks to Melissabear and notjavert for favoriting!


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